Frustrated with teacher...

I have been dealing with this teacher since the beginning of the school year. She has my son labeled as a troublemaker. I have sat down with her (and the principal) to explain his needs the teacher says 'those are not actual needs, he just needs more discipline'. <sigh> I can't get him moved and I now drive him to school everyday to make sure his homework isn't getting 'lost'. (a lot of it magically disappeared, even after I stapled it all together) I have explained to her that taking away every recess and/or playtime of an ADHD/ODD kid who has severe apnea is not going to make him focus more. Now, my boy who used to like school (and got decent grades all things considering) now dislikes it and fights everyday to go.

If anyone has any ideas on how to deal with this, I'd greatly appreciate it.

UGH, don't I feel your pain. What methods of discipline/rewards do you use with your child at home? Could you share those with his teacher and maybe she will follow your lead? Another but more extreme method would be to request the school psychologist helping you write a behavior plan. If you have a behavior plan written you will have to approve it and the teacher will have to follow it.

If the teacher doesn't want to understand then go to the principal and to the counselor. If she keeps acting stupid then bring in your kids doctor in. There has to be a way to make her understand ADHD is not a choice, is a disease. And just like any other disease it has its downsides that can't always be controlled.

When you say his homework "magically" disappears you mean the teacher does that intentionally? That is just awful, maaaan I would kick her ass.

Those situations are so hard to be dealt. I think the teacher should be more responsive to the kid's needs and should be friend with you not enemy. Well, things can improve but only if you three agree that school is a place for everybody to learn and get better. Also try to talk with your kid's friends and find out more about how this teacher is doing his job... Kids exaggerate sometimes, so you have to use your grown up filter, but this way you might find a solution . Good luck

First bold part is where the trouble starts and this actually is the teacher's fault, even though it is not completely their fault.
She obviously doesn't know how to deal with it, which is her lack of competence as a teacher.
That is why she tries to ignore/reject that fact by just saying he needs discipline.
What you need to do with autistic and ADHD children ( sorry if I made a spelling mistake with all this terminology, never use them in English ), first of all is to acknowledge it's not the kid's fault, what the teacher is doing.
They can't control it, discipline won't solve anything, it's not like they want to be less focussed about class or have a short concentration span on purpose.
What you need to do is make a good set of promises with them, yet also cut them some slack.
Secondly, positive rewarding motivation works with these students, as the opposite of negative punishment, which is the common mistake with education in general.
Thirdly the teacher must find a way to keep order for them, for example, let an autistic kid talk about his hobby for 15 minutes a day, no more, no less. The consistency is important here, after that he/she must do his normal school work.
Not 100% sure what you could do to a kid with ADHD here.

I dont know about anywhere else in the world, but certainly here, many teachers leave teacher training lacking the skills that they should have to be a teacher in the first place. Schools take on the younger teachers because they 'cost' less to employ. Unfortunately, this means that they dont have a clue when it comes to difficult situations, and it is very narrow minded of teachers like your child's who see the disability as bad behavior. Its a wonder any kids manage to get through the education system at times when the teacher is ganging up on them all the time. Bullying from other kids is bad enough for a special needs child to have to cope with without the bullying from adults that are supposed to support them.

I can so relate! I had basically the same situation happen to me! I was being called to the school every day and was even ridiculed because I wouldn't give them permission to spank my son! I eventually decided that if I was going to have to be there everyday to supervise my son and make sure he does his work why not just use a homeschool and do it from home.

In a perfect world teachers would have to go through some training so that they would know how to handle situations like this. Sadly that dose not happen. Its sad that the teacher labeled him a troublemaker when she should see him for what he is and work with you to help the problem.

I can relate to your frustration with dealing with teachers. The girl I take care o f that has AdHD never comes home with homework, because that upsets her. Even though the girls mother and I, have request they send some home. So for a few weeks she was getting some, then they vanished again. All I can suggest is that you continue to try and talk to the teacher. If communications never reach a part where you two can work together then maybe you should look into finding a new teacher if that is reasonable option for you.

But do you always know what's the best way to deal with your child ?
Mother instinct might be in the way for reason, also you don't have the expertise to teach your child what it needs to know in order to proceed into further education.
Else we wouldn't need schools in the first place, secondly by doing so, your child who already has certain 'problems' will have one more, which is the lack of socialization, thus socializing skills.
Socializing skills are very important for special children to eventually grow out of their condition.
Especially a kid with ADHD needs to have friends, play outside and get amongst people alot, will be troublesome at first but then he/she knows how to act properly in a later stage of their life.

My heart was breaking for you when I read this. Every child is unique in his or her own way. Keeping a child on task and keeping a set schedule is of the utmost importance in the child's development, physically and mentally. I hate to mention this, but maybe a lot of the behavior's are coming from the negative energy from school, which is become an unhealthy situation for you, your family and your child. Time to rethink what type of school would most benefit all that are involved.

So have you talk to the principal without the teacher being present? If your son's prior academic performance and his behaviors were better with different teachers (did you mention behaviors?) then you should be able to make a strong argument for him needing a different teacher. If nothing else maybe you can talk to the principal about making sure your son's teacher next year is a better fit for him. What a shame that his present teacher treats him like this. Does you son understand that next year with a different teacher he will feel better about school again? Can you tell him this without trashing his current teacher?

When my daughter was in 6th grade she had a "learning specialist" who was not very effective, and her personality was not warm and inviting either. My daughter really did not like her and I might have felt even more negative about her. It was a difficult year for my daughter, but she put the extra effort in and so did I...we got through that year and put it all back on track the following year. I know this is not the same situation, but sometimes you just have to do the best that you can with the cards you are dealt.

My daughter is a freshman in college now and she has accommodations through the school's disabilities services office and she still runs into professors and TAs that get it and others that do not. That's what life has given her and coping skills is a part of life. Don't get me wrong, I think it is horrible that the teacher treats your son the way she does, but some things you can control and some things you cannot and unfortunately your son is stuck in a bad situation.